freedom at last

i dont hate u anymore. i dont hate u anymore. i dont hate u anymore. and u noe wat.

IT FEELS SO GOOD

how do i even begin to explain our relationship?

then. we. together. us. now. u. apart. me.

me + u = complicated

or maybe its just me.

sigh. loving u and hating u. feeling guilty for doing so. but do i actually owe u anything?
in fact u owe me. for somehow stripping me of trust. how do u even pay me back?

all the time u used me. but thats just what u are. i think i see a little clearer now. ppl have give me some perspective. and. i am soo grateful for them.

u used to bring out this kind of repressed up feeling in me. each time i see u. like 1 whole boiling pot of HATE just comes pouring out. wats to say brought it on. after how u treated me. though i shamelessly admit that at times i was jealous of u. no matter how crazy it sounds i have to admit it. i need to get everything off.

can u imagine the first time i was told? wat u said about me? u have no idea how much it hurt.

i bet u dont even remember anymore.

haha. the things u do. seems so trivial. in actual fact. sigh.

doesnt matter. whatever i say cant change who u are.

but i realised i could change me. i needed to let go. these feelings were eating me up.

u have no idea how many times over the years i have tried to let go. how i've tried.

But thanks to my Saviour. u noe. one day i was listening. and all i heard was

LET GO. release.

so im happy to say now. finally. after 4+ years of all these hurt/fun/laughter/pain/anger/brokeness/love/hate

told u it was complicated.lol.

anyway. i dont hate u anymore.

judge me all u want. if u think im talking about u. hahahahahahaha. good luck.

one more thing. i need to ask ur forgiveness. so. forgive me. for everything. im so sorry.

i might sound crazy. but yea. i still want to be friends. so. see u when i see u.