help

wat do u do when u hav a problem and u noe u cant tell anyone?
wat do u do?
u noe its big.
u noe its huge.
u noe u cant keep it in anymore cuz its just eating u inside out.
Its painful. It'll hurt everyone.
ITs something u noe all ur frens just cant relate to.

WAT DO U DO?

wat do i do?

i just freaking hate starting the new year like this. sigh.

To make up

welllllll. its been loong since i updated. sooo. i'll try to like put everything in one post.den i wont have to update for a long time after that.=p

hmm...lets see...where do i begin.....

christmas party!!!at yew juans house!!!almost everybody turned up la. cept ranee cuz she's in japan. lol. lots of fun. and me keep kenaing that pass the parcel thing.so totally bad luck. but i admit i deserved the 2nd time la. ah. good games shing. =p haha.always good food. eating till im full. =p i think i've grown like fatter this hols seriously.almost afraid to get on the weighing scale. =p

christmas day. well...as usual. always go church on that day. =p and later hav like an awesome lunch. =p haha.well this year's christmas day wasnt that much fun. partly cuz i think we dint hang around much after service and all. not like last year. so much fun. anyway. i did take some photos but obviously im too lazy to post it here since
1. my internet is super slow punya
2. i look stupid in almost all of them
3. im lazy =p
haha. yea i noe. sorrreeeee shing.......XD. maybe someday laaaaaaaaaa.its not like we took lots of photos together neway.so now u noe. =p photos taken on becca's cam are meant for her eyes only. =p hahha.

talking about christmas. CHRISTMAS PRESSIES. =p
1. becca's cam. =p haha.gift from mum and dad. woo! =p i would put a pic of it here if i could take a pic of it but obviously i cant. =p haha.
2. stuff from all my frens. like su xian.dev.oon.aly.alex. so on.
3.stuff from my bro's. oh wait.they dint get me anything. oh wait. i just remembered. yea they did give me some stuff. lol.
haha. anyway. it wasnt too shabby la. =p but obviously im mostly in love with my cam. =p

ok.see after christmas. on that day itself. balik kampung. cuz nex day is my grandpa's death annivesary. yup. so that night. as the big house back home is ultimately one of the most boring place on earth. me and my bro's decided to play firecrackers(having found them while spring cleaning a few days before). haha. so. actually it was supposed to be payback to the opposite house who never fails to hav loud noisy firecrackers display every chinese new year wen we go bak, thus not allowing us to get beauty sleep. BUT. wat happened was. the leftover OLD firecrackers we had were ALL LIGHTS AND NO NOISE. so. we had to abandon our plans. =(
BUT we never giving up. decided that we were celebrating Jesus's BIRTHDAY instead. yay. one good change of plans. =p so yours truly decided to capture this special moment with her new found cam. =p and happily took photos.(which i wont post =p) only to find out later that her cam has a special fireworks scene thing but she didnt use it. yea. oh well. wat to do. im prepared for new years! =p

haha. so basically that was christmas. lol. so. stay for one day only la.nex day come home. den sat. i go to my old fren tesh's house for birthday party. lol. well. it was first time in long time dat the entire THE 5 was there gathered in one place.so we chatted alot la. den we watched one missed call. horror movie. very interesting.except that at one point tesh's bro burst into the room and said boo at a very scary part and we all screamed loudly causing the birthday gal herself to scold us cuz it was like 11 pm. sorry tesh. anyway.it was a good time la.

den mon. goin out with e, yl, and sut to mv. =p lots of fun actually. i sincerely apologise to ed if i was very grumpy and snappy. sorrrreeeee.it was fun shopping with u though. den we had lunch at carls jr. not bad la. and later go shopping to look for yl's prom dress. though i had to leave early. hope u found the right one.

and now here i am. blogging. lols. hope this covers everything yew juan. =p dont assasinate me. =p goin out tomorooo. haha. ALSO.

Blessed Christmas and a HAPPY new Year everyone!!

hope u guys have fun partying this new year! i noe i will. =p

oh. i nearly forgot. i want to write my new years resolution here first. a lil early i noe but i dont plan on updating for a long time cuz sculs gonna open n im gonna be super bz first week. so.

1.Have better relationship with God.
2.Better relationship with family n frens.
3.take better care of my dog, keyword being BETTER
4.to constantly email overseas frens =p
5.i'll try to blog more often,plus update facebook with photos and stuff
6.study more=stick to my timetable
7.not to get too bz to not have time for self
8.not to worry so much about spm.
9.stop doing lame stuff
10.think about future career seriously.

main 10? i bet i wont keep all of them. lol. =p but i definitely hav a few goals in mind that i want to accomplish. hope i have enough strength plus resolution to do them all.

sigh. i gotta stop thinking so much about kiddy stuff.i hate that im growing up and hav to think so much about future plans plus stuff. i hate that i always think forward. i hate that i am such a worry wart sometimes. i hate that i dont look stressed even though i feel stressed. =p i hate ... i hate... i hate... sigh. gonna try think positive la.

anyway. since im not gonna be updating for a long time. hope u guys had a great year this year. this year was a mix of ups and downs but im not gonna let the downs keep me from heading up. so. i pray next year will be a year that i dont stress alot. thats all. keep seeing white hairs on me head. =p so. hav a good ole new year u guys! love u peeps. =p

the one and only. *drum rolls............*
b. =p

camp

everyone's blogged about camp already.so im slow. =(

anyway. em. yew juan dont kill me but i dont feel like blogging about camp. sooreeee.

basically. everything was awesome laaaaaa.

sigh. duno y i like no mood to blog during hols. and u see my posts. 5 days den 1 post only.and can u pls imagine right the first month i started blogging.every 2 days sure one post.
i guess sut was right that i would eventually tire of blogging. =p

haha. yea. but im not that tired. YET. =p

anyway. camp was awesome in a way to me. i learned soooooo much. but seriously. no blogging mood. also. i noe this is really selfish but i dont feel like sharing with u guys wat my camp experience this year was like.


dont be sad ko juan. u can read about it in su's paper. =p

haha.one thing im glad about la.is that che su made us write it all down.what we learned i mean.im glad she made us do that. im sure i'll appreciate it sooooo much in the future when im down or straying from God. It will be such a great reminder. =p i noe alot of us grumbled but THANKS CHE SU. =p

end of this lame/lifeless post.
b.

Isnt it funny?

Isnt it funny how we can adore someone and they dont notice you except to throw u a cursory glance every once in a while?
Isnt it funny how we can continue to adore that person and our day is made when that person smiles?
Isnt it funny how we dont notice anything else once that person is around?

I personally think its called LOVE.

it can come from nowhere. just hits u in the face.

BUT SOMETIMES

DO we really appreciate it enough?or do we just take it for granted?

What I mean is. Love is so BIG,HUGE,GIGANTIC,MONSTROUS.

We dont just love. We are LOVED too.

From our parents. from our family. from our friends.
Dont you think sometimes we are too caught up in LOVING our ownselves?

ya we do.admit it.Love ourselves I mean.

Anyway.Do we even take time to appreciate the LOVE we are given?

I admit i do take the ppl closest to me for granted sometimes.

Can you just imagine if ppl stopped loving themselves for a while just to love someone else,maybe someone poor,someone without parents. Maybe this world would be a better place somehow. With so much love to give and be recieved. Love after all is simply Bigger than Anything.

Ok I am getting off topic. I just wanted to say la. You know how we can care so much for the things which don't care the same way for us. And we are so hurt by them. And we feel soooo much pain. And we wish for the pain to go away but it's so hard.

I dont know. JUST TRY to wrap your mind around this la ok. MAYBE SOMEWHERE OUT THERE, SOMEONE IS BEING HURT THE SAME WAY BY YOU?because of a harsh word, or a dismissive wave. so you know.

Be careful la. Someone might be hurt by the way u treated them.

Even if you don't know it. EVen MORE if you dont know it.

I hope i somehow made sense.

freedom at last

i dont hate u anymore. i dont hate u anymore. i dont hate u anymore. and u noe wat.

IT FEELS SO GOOD

how do i even begin to explain our relationship?

then. we. together. us. now. u. apart. me.

me + u = complicated

or maybe its just me.

sigh. loving u and hating u. feeling guilty for doing so. but do i actually owe u anything?
in fact u owe me. for somehow stripping me of trust. how do u even pay me back?

all the time u used me. but thats just what u are. i think i see a little clearer now. ppl have give me some perspective. and. i am soo grateful for them.

u used to bring out this kind of repressed up feeling in me. each time i see u. like 1 whole boiling pot of HATE just comes pouring out. wats to say brought it on. after how u treated me. though i shamelessly admit that at times i was jealous of u. no matter how crazy it sounds i have to admit it. i need to get everything off.

can u imagine the first time i was told? wat u said about me? u have no idea how much it hurt.

i bet u dont even remember anymore.

haha. the things u do. seems so trivial. in actual fact. sigh.

doesnt matter. whatever i say cant change who u are.

but i realised i could change me. i needed to let go. these feelings were eating me up.

u have no idea how many times over the years i have tried to let go. how i've tried.

But thanks to my Saviour. u noe. one day i was listening. and all i heard was

LET GO. release.

so im happy to say now. finally. after 4+ years of all these hurt/fun/laughter/pain/anger/brokeness/love/hate

told u it was complicated.lol.

anyway. i dont hate u anymore.

judge me all u want. if u think im talking about u. hahahahahahaha. good luck.

one more thing. i need to ask ur forgiveness. so. forgive me. for everything. im so sorry.

i might sound crazy. but yea. i still want to be friends. so. see u when i see u.